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While I am not particularly worried about my children having an older father my siblings and I didthe thought of being a widow for plus years terrifies me.

The possibility of my husband becoming ill and incapacitated at a stage where I want to be active and travel also weighs heavily on my mind. We have discussed these issues openly and at length, and have made multiple attempts to pull away from each other.

Just the thought of seeing someone Make me a man 21 makes me feel sick and anxious.

You are exploring every possibility, every scenario and in so doing you are, as you say, paralysing yourself. We tend to Mqke when we are anxious and this was one of the first things psychotherapist and couples counsellor Chris Mills picked up on.

When we are anxious or unsure, we also want aMke guarantees and tend to think in black and white. Sometimes the most proactive thing you can do is … nothing. But why the urgency in either committing or walking away?

This question is too important to rush. I was Make me a man 21 by how catastrophic you felt losing a partner would be and how your life would be, in essence, not worth living. While few would relish the thought of losing mxn partner, there are many examples of people leading successful and fulfilling lives after the death of one.

I feel this needs further exploration, because if you are prone to anxiety, you will find something to catastrophise about in any relationship you go into.

I worry you are looking for resilience outside of yourself.

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What has made you so much in need of absolute certainty? When a decision is so vast, and with this many variables, the key is to shorten the focus.

Think about the next year or two. Think about your own self, your life, as well as that with your partner.

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You need to split or stay for concrete reasons, not based on a projection of what might happen. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

Follow Annalisa on Twitter AnnalisaB. Topics Family Ask Annalisa Barbieri.

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